What it looks like
An example from History.
War broke out in 1914 because of militarism, alliances, imperialism and nationalism. The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand in June 1914 was the spark.
The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand in June 1914 was the spark, but the alliance system helps explain how a Balkan crisis became a European war. When Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia in July, Russia mobilised in Serbia’s support, and Germany declared war on Russia and then France. Yet alliances do not explain everything: Britain had no treaty obligation to fight for France, and entered the war only after Germany invaded Belgium.
Why markers write it
A list shows you know the topic; depth shows you understand it. When an essay makes ten points in a paragraph each, none gets the explanation, evidence and judgement that upper-band criteria ask for. Most word limits are too tight to cover everything well, so choosing is part of the task.
How to fix it in your next essay
- 1Choose your three or four strongest pointsCut or merge the rest. A point you can’t explain in a full paragraph probably doesn’t belong.
- 2Push each point one step furtherAfter each claim, ask “how?” or “why?” and answer it. Then ask again. The second answer is usually where the depth is.
- 3Show the limits of your best pointDepth includes knowing where an explanation stops working. One sentence on its limits shows you’ve thought it through.
Phrases that help
How much it costs
Breadth without depth often holds an essay in the 2:2 range in UK marking, because the upper bands usually ask for developed analysis rather than coverage.
Other ways markers say it
- “Superficial”
- “Needs more depth”
- “Too broad”
- “Skims the surface”
- “Points need developing”
Often written alongside
Common questions
- Won’t I lose marks for leaving things out?
- Rarely. Markers know you can’t cover everything in the word count. Acknowledge other factors in a sentence, then focus.
- Does depth just mean more detail?
- No. Extra dates and names add detail, not depth. Depth means explaining how and why something happened, and how far that explanation holds.