What it looks like
An example from Economics.
The Bank of England raises interest rates to bring inflation down. Higher rates can also strengthen the pound, which makes exports less competitive. Unemployment is another concern, as the Phillips curve suggests a trade-off with inflation.
Higher interest rates bring inflation down mainly by reducing spending. When the Bank of England raises interest rates, borrowing becomes more expensive and saving more rewarding, so households and firms spend less and pressure on prices eases. Because this takes time, often a year or two, the Bank has to set rates for where inflation is heading, not where it is now.
Why markers write it
A paragraph is a unit of argument: one claim, developed and supported. When several ideas share a paragraph, each gets a sentence or two, the reader can’t tell which matters most, and the analysis stays shallow. Markers often write this alongside “lacks depth”, because the two problems usually come together.
How to fix it in your next essay
- 1State the point firstOpen each paragraph with a sentence that states its one main point. Everything after it should support that point.
- 2Move anything that doesn’t fitIf a sentence introduces a new idea, it starts a new paragraph or comes out.
- 3Use a simple paragraph patternPoint, evidence, explanation, link back to the question. Check each paragraph has all four, in roughly that order.
How much it costs
Unfocused paragraphs usually cost marks for structure and, indirectly, for analysis, since ideas packed together rarely get explained. In most UK schemes the result is an essay that undersells what you know.
Other ways markers say it
- “Unfocused paragraphs”
- “Too many ideas in one paragraph”
- “Needs clearer topic sentences”
- “What is this paragraph about?”
- “Break this up”
Often written alongside
Common questions
- How long should a paragraph be?
- There’s no fixed rule. A paragraph needs room to state, support and explain one point. If it’s doing that twice, split it.
- Can one point take more than one paragraph?
- Yes. A complex point can run across two, as long as each paragraph has its own clear job.